The Talking Lizards

"Oh new mistress of our house! We are so happy to have you move into our house since it really makes it feel like home to have a human in our midst. We are so happy to eat as many mosquitoes as we can fit in our bellies and do our best to keep the evil spirits away from you.  But we are sad to learn that you find us repulsive and want to kick us out.  Our real names are Happy, Lucky, Fearless, and Wise.  It pains us that you wish to relegate us to the same part of the universe that your silly President Bush wishes to put gay people who desire to marry.  But we plan to stay and do our best for you anyway.   Your willing servants and friends, Happy, Lucky, Fearless, and Wise."  --Lizards
LOL LOL LOL ROFLMAO --  talking lizards - I love it! And they even speak perfect English! 

Look guys, I know you were here before me.  But there are no squatters' rights in this country. And the squirrels and mosquites have tried that same tactic on me already. I'm just asking for this little bit of personal space here. A few hundred square feet, really. It's not asking much. You are welcome to the entire garden. The lot around this house is twenty times the size of the house.  Lots of mosquitoes and other juicy creepy crawly things for you there! Plus, you were doing a lousy job of chowing down on the mosquitos in the house, I had to pay a human 5000 rupees to do your job. If you're going to stay here, I will have to start charging you rent.  (And, Happy, Lucky, Fearless, and Wise, you sound suspiciously like Sharon! Or is it Sheila?? You tried to throw me off by sending me an email message at the same time, didn't you?)

 When I open my eyes this morning, the first thing I see is a big fat lizard plastered on the ceiling right above my bed. He looks neither Happy, nor Lucky, nor Fearless nor Wise.  I think I'm going to name him George W. Bush, since it seems like he has nothing better to do than closely monitor my bedroom activities with his beady little eyes.  He is doing lizard push-ups, flexing his puny little muscles, and every once in a while he fires a little turd my way.  Yeah, that's definitely George. He seems to have a little sidekick, a skinnier, less smug-looking lizard who is not doing push-ups but hovers nearby. That must be Laura Bush. I think George and Laura have been busy breeding lately, because I also see a couple baby lizards scurry by. (Oops, I mean they've been busy Preserving The Sanctity Of Marriage Between A Man And A Woman).

Yes, I am still bitter and twisted about the gay marriage thing....

tags: india  lizard